I am Strong

What does being strong mean to you? Growing up I was always the “strong one.” I was self-reliant, not needing anyone’s help. I protected the ones I loved fiercely. I made my voice and the voice of those who were too scared to speak up heard. I had a strong sense for justice, and couldn’t bear when I thought others were treated unfairly. But I was also very rigid, always tense, very aggressive and forceful in my pursuit of what I thought was right. I left no room for opinions and viewpoints that didn’t align with my own. I did things out of duty, because I thought they were the right thing to do, limiting my choices to what society determined as a responsible choice.  Worst of all, I quieted my heart, because I was conditioned to believe that it is irrational and only gets you into trouble. I was conditioned to believe that the heart is only secondary to the brain, that it is foolish to listen to your heart. I was conditioned to believe that you should not trust your heart, that it will make you appear weak and get you hurt. While some of those things may be true, listening to and following my heart has led to the best decision I have ever made.

On my Yoga mat, I learned to reconnect to my heart, to become quiet and listen to what it is saying. I learned to reconnect to my intuition. I learned that when you integrate your heart rather than deny it, you become so much stronger. Before, I often felt like a fraud. People always described me as strong, fearless, and independent, but I didn’t feel fearless. In fact, I found a whole lot of fear showing up on my mat, but more on that topic in another post. It wasn’t until I learned to soften and open my heart, that I truly felt strong and courageous. It wasn’t until I stopped pushing away my fears and insecurities that I felt truly authentic and whole. It requires a tremendous amount of strength to allow all of your stuff to come up, to stay in the discomfort and to sit with what wants to be seen. I would observe teachers who embodied true strength. They were super strong, but calm and peaceful. Their practice looked effortless, not forced. They were graceful and deliberate in their movement. They were connected to their breath. Now, to me, true strength means to remain calm even in the most challenging situations. It means to keep your breath calm and your mind steady. It means to explore your challenges with curiosity, rather than frustration. If you are too strong, you become rigid and aggressive, and you break easily. If you are too soft, you are unable to withstand the storm, unable to hold yourself up. You have to find your balance.

What does being strong mean to you?